My Journey...Part 9

Last week our dogs were barking furiously at this baby rabbit. Jeremy rescued him, and Stephen thought it was the greatest thing. The little guy was so small that I thought it was a rat! After taking a couple pictures (and reluctantly agreeing that we shouldn't keep it), Jeremy returned him safely to the wild. Oh, and the other picture is just Caleb waving hello!=)
Proverbs 31:30 tells us about the virtuous woman's crowning feature. She has so many amazing qualities, but which one stands above them all? Here's what the verse says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." The "completion and crowning" of the virtuous woman's character is her fear of the Lord. Every thing she does is guided by her love for God; her desire to please Him. Matthew Henry writes, "Beauty recommends none to God, nor is it any certain indication of wisdom and goodness." God looks at our hearts, as He did in the Old Testament with David. We should do the same with ourselves and with others. Earthly beauty can (and will) fade, but eternal beauty remains. It withstands the hardships of life and becomes more and more beautiful with each passing day.
I love the next quote from Henry's commentary. As I often battle with feeling "old" and "battered," this section offers such encouragement. I know some of you right now are thinking how crazy I am for saying that I, as a 28 year old, feel old but let me explain, so you will understand why Proverbs 31:30 is one of my life verses. I know that physically Jeremy and I are young. I do realize, however, that our actions and thought patterns tend to make us "older." When everything happened on August 27, Jeremy and I had to grow up. We had no choice. Because of all God taught us (and because we understand how short life can be), we sometimes act older than others our age. Yes, this is in reality a good thing. God has taught us SO much. On the other hand, it's frustrating at times. Sometimes I'd like to think and act like a normal 28 year old. I'd like to live more carefree and not see life as something that could be taken at any second. It's hard to balance "turning up the music" with not wasting a day. I tend to sway to one side or the other. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I look at the scars and yes, am very thankful to "remember how merciful You are," but admittedly, at times, I wish them away. That's when my focus has shifted from true beauty to the world's idea of beauty. And immediately I must repent. Please don't judge me on these thoughts. I'm still learning that God pruning me to make the inside beautiful is way more important than working to make the outside attractive. So...here's what Henry writes on this...I love it!:
"It (beauty) is a fading thing at the best, and therefore vain and deceitful. A fit of sickness will stain and sully it in a little time; a thousand accidents may blast this flower in its prime (so true!); old age will certainly wither it and death and the grave consume it. BUT=) the fear of God reigning in the heart is the beauty of the soul; it recommends those that have it to the favour of God, and is, in His sight, of great price; it will last forever, and bid defiance to death itself, which consumes the beauty of the body, but consummates the beauty of the soul."
How awesome! Here's what it boils down to: At death, outer beauty is gone. All the money spent on beauty products won't help. It was a temporal investment that can't last. BUT... at death, internal beauty is PERFECTED! Any investment I make in this type of beauty will last forever! What a great investment! I love it!=) (And will keep asking God to daily transform my thinking!)

My Journey...Part 8

Veggie Tales...Veggie Tales...Gotta love 'em!
Once again, our precious boys have been sick, and this time, Jeremy and I decided to participate. It was nothing serious; just the usual cold/sinus problems. Anyways, I'm back!=) Hope you haven't totally forgotten what part of Proverbs 31 we were on. In truth, I'm not sure what verse I'm on. Matthew Henry's commentary has jumped around so much that I'm just following along. If you can't find rhyme or reason to my pattern; neither can I! Better late than never...here we go!:
Proverbs 31:26 says "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Some of you have already stopped reading this entry, because you know it talks about her words. Ha! We women love to talk!=) Here's what Henry has to say (so I'm not doing all the talking!): "She is discreet and obliging in all her discourse, not talkative, censorious (fault-finding), nor peevish (showing annoyance). She opens her mouth With Wisdom When she does speak." I'm trying to daily say to myself "with wisdom when" to check my words and the amount of them. The virtuous woman is choosey with her every word. She doesn't "put her foot in her mouth," because she thinks first.
Being wise, the Proverbs 31 woman gives great advice. Matthew Henry writes that she "gives prudent advice to others; not as assuming the authority of a dictator, but with the affection of a friend and an obliging air (accomodating)." She's not a know it all but offers her opinion when asked and when appropriate.
"Love and kindness" fill her heart, and this is evident through her words. Again Henry writes "Her wisdom and kindness together put a commanding power into all she says; they command respect, they command compliance." People want to listen to her. They feel her compassion and wisdom when she speaks. If I talk too much, no one will listen. They will come to expect it. The virtuous woman saves her words, and therefore people listen!
Lastly, Matthew Henry says that the Proverbs 31 woman's words reveal "how full her heart is of another world even when her hands are most busy about this world." I want to do my best here on this Earth but at the same time not lose my true focus. Just tonight Jeremy and I were talking about different investments. I truly want our greatest investment to be something we will not receive until the future; until we hear our Father say, "Well done, thy good and faithful servant." May my words confirm what's in my heart.

A Path Along My Journey

On Thursday, Stephen and I went to the zoo with a new Summit friend, Ruth, and her daughter Erin-my pictures would not download!=(. Jeremy and I are members of the zoo and are attempting to get some more visits in before our membership expires the end of April. The weather was great; I enjoyed my fellowship with Ruth; And Stephen had a great time seeing the animals with sweet Erin! On the way home, Ruth and I were talking, and the Holy Spirit spoke very clearly to my heart. Ruth asked me, "What are your hobbies?", and I truly did not know what to say. I mentioned golf (although I haven't played a round since before Stephen was born) and also reading, but from there, I was at a loss. I then explained to Ruth the journey I was on and how I was trying, as crazy as it sounds, to "find myself."=) Ruth then made a comment to the extend of "It's all about what you find your identity in." The Holy Spirit immediately pricked my heart with that thought, and I'm sure I seemed a little absent minded the rest of the ride home.
"What is my identity based on?" is the question that even now I cannot get out of my mind. At Union Grove, I feel like my identity was based a lot on our ministry to the students. I was "the student pastor's wife" and clearly knew and loved my roles. My identity was largely formed by that ministry. After the wreck, I think my identity shifted a little to "Tiffany Pollard...miracle family." That was great, but it was definitely not something I could hang onto. With the arrival of the boys, came once again another identity..."Stephen and Caleb's Mommy." And, of course, there's always the identity of "Jeremy's wife." Now, I'm just not sure what my identity is based on. I'm not involved enough at the Summit yet to claim that ministry as part of my identity. Who am I and on what do I base my identity? Here's where the Holy Spirit came in!...All of the things I mentioned above are great things. In fact, I love carrying some of those names. The bigger issue here, though, is the fact that my identity cannot solely lie in those things. In a moment, they could each be taken away and then who would I be? My identity should and absolutely MUST rest in Christ! I must base who I am on what God has done for me and how perfectly He loves me. Any other human basis would be such a mistake (and eventually unreliable). I've realized for the first time in my life that I have always lived basing my identity on temporal things. I know Christ and love Him, but I have yet to truly realize that He alone is the foundation for my identity; for who I am. Once I finish up my Proverbs 31 journey, I'm gonna travel back down this side-path of "identity in Christ!" I'm very excited to learn more and am attempting to even now find my value and worth in our Savior!

The Conference & My Journey...Part 7

Here are the details from this past weekend that I alluded to yesterday: The conference was awesome! We arrived in Gatlinburg on Thursday with Jeremy's parents. Jeremy and I did a little shopping at the outlets (I got 2 shirts for $10 total!). We had some supper and checked into the really nice room where we were staying. Friday was pretty relaxing. We had breakfast and an early supper, and I took some extra time to prepare for later that night. Friday night was the first night of the conference. It was so great to see all the ladies from Union Grove! They had these cool red t-shirts made that truly made me feel more relazed and loved!=) Before Reba spoke on Friday night, I shared with the 450+ women who were there what God had done in our family's life. God blessed me with calmness. For the first time ever, I was able to pray for guidance while at the same time sharing. It was amazing to communicate with God while attempting to communicate what He wanted me to say! I pray I was a blessing and encouragement to someone. Our family just wants God to use us! The conference concluded on Saturday, and I left feeling refreshed. I also learned so much, and I'm sure will refer back to my notes many times in the future. Thanks again to everyone who prayed. I could definitely feel it!
So, back to Proverbs 31. This part of my journey is pretty short and to the point. Here goes:
Proverbs 31:15 says, "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls." I realize that we've already touched on this verse in the past, but there's more to learn from it in this section! Based on her supplying her family's needs (and wants) I ask myself, "Would Jeremy or the boys have reason to complain about my provision for them?" Probably yes; I want them to be blessed and not always feel that we're trying to "cut corners." A good way to provide this way is to focus on my own home and not someone else's. Proverbs 31:27 says, "She watches over the affairs of HER household and does not eat the bread of idleness." This virtuous woman does not have time to be a "busy body." She is too busy in her own home. She also doesn't compare her family (or herself!) to others. She knows she is doing her best, and that is enough!
To finish up part 7 (I told you it was short!), look at Proverbs 31:20. It says, "She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy." Henry writes, "She is as intent upon giving as she is upon getting. She does it freely, cheerfully, and very liberally." The Proverbs 31 woman reaches out. Next to giving to her family, she realizes that giving to others is second in importance. The real reason that she probably saves is so that she can give more. That's what Jeremy and I have always done. I'll give you a real life example (and don't compare...I mentioned that earlier...our giving is NOT perfect!): I've been researching cheaper ways to eat out recently. Yes, I know that cooking is much cheaper than eating out. Jeremy and I, however, love to go out once in awhile. Sometimes we simply have to. Our budget, though, often suffers in this area. I've done some research, and we have begun saving money, even when we eat out! Here's how: I have signed both me and Jeremy up for the e-mail club of every restaurant that we like. By doing this, both of us have received tons of coupons. We even get free stuff on our birthday! I take my coupon e-mails each month, and Jeremy and I decide where we're gonna go out to eat. We don't make decisions on the fly. It's something we think through. How does this relate to giving to others? Here's what we've found ourselves doing: When we go out and use a coupon, we always tip on the original amount. In fact, we've found ourselves tipping way more because our bill is so low! See, we're saving but in return blessing someone else even more! It's so much fun! I hope that make sense. It's a simple example, but something that has recently helped us! Let the saving and GIVING continue!=)

A Quick Update

I had all good intentions on blogging yesterday about the conference and Proverbs 31.
The day, however, seemed over before it began, and blogging did not happen. Today has been the same, so this will be short. Hopefully I'll be able to elaborate more tomorrow. Yesterday was pretty busy due to another follow-up eye appointment for Stephen in Durham. He did SO well! He even sat in the chair by himself and let the Dr. examine him like a "big boy!" We were there til 6, but it was worth it. Dr. Freedman again told us that Stephen's eyes are now perfect. She said that she doesn't like to use the word "perfect," but in Stephen's case, it was the only word that would do! She also told us that he is now able to use his eyes together and has depth perception. In her opinion, we are DONE! We do go back one more time in 4 months, but there is nothing else to do. Jeremy and I are so thrilled! Dr. Freedman told Stephen that he "made her day!" Praise the Lord! Very briefly and to the point, the conference was awesome! I so glad I went; not because I got to share but because of how much I learned. I'll share more details (and hopefully) pictures very soon! Thanks for praying!

My Journey...Part 6-Continued

The weather this weekend has been BEAUTIFUL! I love it when Stephen can play outside! On Saturday, Jeremy and I took him to the Burlington City Park. They have great kids' rides there, including a train, which was Stephen's favorite. Any time we get to spend together as a family is such a blessing! There's truly no one else in this world whom I would rather share my life with than the boys God has given me!
The last couple Proverbs 31 entries I've posted have been about the management of money. I am still learning from this myself, as Jeremy and I are attempting to find more and more ways to fit our budget. It's an adventure to say the least!
To conclude section 6 of my journey, we'll start with Proverbs 31:22, which says, "She makes coverings for her bed. She is clothed in fine linen and purple." The virtuous woman knows how to dress. She dresses according to her "place and rank." Matthew Henry commentates on her dress by writing, "Though she is not vain as to spend much time in dressing herself, nor makes the putting on of apparel her adorning, nor values herself upon it, yet she has rich clothes and puts them on well."
I then ask myself, What type dress is appropriate for me?
That's kind of hard to answer. Since I stay home with the boys, it's hard not to get into the pajamas and t-shirt frame of mind. I try so hard not to let Jeremy come home to the same me, in the same clothes, that he left earlier that morning. Yes, I should be comfortable at home. Yes, lots of times warm-up pants or jeans is my "work attire" for playing with Stephen. But I should also know how to dress well. I used to always tell the teenage girls: "You're the daughter of a King. Therefore, you should dress and act like a Princess!"=)
The virtuous woman also takes time to dress her family. Each member of the household should have nice, clothes to wear. They should, however, also be practical. A lot is assumed about a wife and mother by the appearance of her husband and kids. This idea always makes me nervous and puts more pressure on me to consider not just my appearance, but also that of my family's.
Proverbs 31:24 re-focuses our attention on the WAY the virtuous woman takes care of her family. She is able to sell to others and make money ONCE she has first provided for her family's needs. Henry writes, "Those families are likely to thrive that sell more than they buy." In other words, wise spending and saving! I so deeply desire this for us!
Proverbs 31:25 kinda wraps this topic up with "She is clothed with strength and dignity. She can laugh at the DAYS TO COME." Because of both her preparation and wise care for her family, the virtuous woman is not worried about the future. She knows she has done what God commanded and trusts Him with the results. What a burden we could take off our shoulders as wives and Moms if we'd just do our part and TRUST God with the results! He wants even more for our famlies and children than we could ever dream!
As of today, I'm officially taking a break from blogging for the next week. Reba Bowman has asked me to speak at her Dare for More Conference in Gatlinburg on Friday night. Jeremy, the boys, and I will be leaving on Wednesday and riding down with his parents early Thursday morning. We will be gone til late Saturday night. I want to focus every spare minute I have on preparing for the conference and praying that God would use me. This is truly a dream come true for me, and I want God to use our family's "storm" for His glory. Please pray that the Holy Spirit's presence would be evident, and that He would guide and direct my words. I'll give you an update when we return! Thanks!=)

My Journey...Part 6

Stephen has me wrapped around his finger!=) The other day he said, "I love my Mommy." I then said, "Why do you love your Mommy?" And, in his usual, darling way, Stephen responded, "Because she's the SWEETEST Mommy!" How precious! He's already my little charmer!=)
Back to Proverbs 31...Verse 18 says, "She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night." The virtuous woman keeps good tabs on all she does (and, as we talked about earlier, does a little night work!). She understands that "in all labour there is profit." Henry calls her management of things "prudent," which means wise or thrifty. I love the adjective thrifty! It just sounds so smart and fun!=)
Proverbs 31:14 says, "She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar." On this verse, Matthew Henry writes, "She brings in provisions of all things necessary and convenient for her family."
*Do I provide necessary things for my family? Yes, most of the time
*Do I provide convenient things for my family? No, not like I should; It's more of a "get by" mentality, which is totally not what my family deserves; It's hard balancing this with frugality.
The virtuous woman knows where to shop. If she can't make what she needs or find it where she expects to, she knows where to get it.
*Do I know where to get what my family needs? Yes; Wants? Sometimes
*More importantly, do I know where to get the best deal on these things? Occassionally but not consistently
Proverbs 31:16 (I told you there were a lot of verses in here about finances!) says, "She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard." In other words, she's a wise spender. When purchasing things, she asks herself 2 questions: 1-How will this help my family? 2-Is this a wise investment? Her shopping is screened by these 2 questions, and in return, she saves her family money.
The other neat thing about verse 16 is the phrase "out of HER EARNINGS she plants a vineyard." The Proverbs 31 woman doesn't go into debt to get what she needs. She spends out of what she has; out of what she has earned; out of what she can spare. It's not necessarily about how much something costs. It's more about deciding if it's worth the time she put into making the money.
Someone once explained the concept this way: If I get paid $20 an hour at work, then go out to eat for $20, I must ask myself if that meal was worth an hour put in at work. Sometimes, yes, it's worth it, especially when spent with family. Other purchases, however, probably wouldn't measure up. I hope that makes sense. My spending changed when I understood that concept. It's more of my time that I'm "spending" as opposed to my money.
I'll try to finish this up tomorrow or over the weekend. The next section talks a little about her home, clothing, and preparation for the future. There's SO much to learn!=)

My Journey-Part 5 Concluded

So, I've been "under the weather" the past couple of days, and blogging has taken a backseat. I'm trying to get myself better before next week's conference. Pray to that end if you think about it. I'm gonna finish up the virtuous' woman's work ethic in this one entry. I could write on it way more, but don't won't it to seem overbearing. Here goes...
In addition to working at night, the virtuous woman also works early in the morning. Proverbs 31:15a says, "She gets up while it it still dark." Okay, so that is pretty early for me. It even gets earlier sometimes when the time changes! Ha! Seriously, though, I've had to ask myself, "Do I love my bed?" The answer is often yes. Even though I stay home with the boys, I long for a morning to sleep in. One great perk of presently living with my parents is that Mom takes the boys about one morning each week and lets me and Jeremy sleep in. This is a God-send. I do feel, however, that I don't take advantage of the early morning hours; the time where no one else is up; that precious time where I can be by myself; where I can spend some quiet moments with the Lord. Often I don't get up early, because I go to bed too late. That's so foolish on my part. I've got to work on this!
Anyways, Henry writes on this, "The virtuous woman loves her business better than her ease or her pleasure...and has more true satisfaction in having given meat to her household."
The Proverbs 31 woman also finds a "business" appropriate for her. Verse 13 says, "She selects wool and flax and works with EAGER hands." She works cheerfully and hard. The virtuous woman is prepared to do her work. She's not frantically looking around for things.
Proverbs 31:19 also says, "In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers." These work items are her honour. Henry writes, "She does not reckon it (work) either an abridgment (reduction) of her liberty (freedom, right) or a disparagement (disgrace) to her dignity, or at all inconsistent with her repose (composure)." This beautiful woman considers it a privilege to work. She doesn't use the "I stay home with the kids" excuse to not do anything. And please don't take that statement the wrong way. I stay home with the boys and know how busy I am. I also know that I'm saving our family daycare money and making an investment greater than any job or bank account could give me. At the same time, I don't want to use staying home as an excuse not to help bring in some income (not just save). That, once again, is part of my search! Moving on...
Verse 17 again reassures us she is a hard worker by saying, "She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks." She doesn't trifle or play around with different things (which I tend to do). She figures out what God has for her to work on; what will bring back the best financial return; what God has gifted her to do; and plunges head first into this calling.
Henry sums this up by writing, "She will go through with work that requires all the strength she has, which she will use as one that knows it is the way to have more." And the best way for me personally to do this is...to determine the avenue of work God has for me and secondly to prioritize my time better. It's hard to help out financially if I can't find a spare moment in the day!
The next section I've been studying is about her management and perception. It's kinda about her work ethic again, which you will find is a major topic in the description of the virtuous woman. I'll start that section soon, I hope!

My Journey...Part 5

It's Sunday night, and we haven't been home long from taking Stephen to see PlayHouse Disney Live. The show was in Greensboro, and Stephen loved every minute of it. He especially loved it when the Little Einsteins rode in Rocket. I'm sure other Moms know what I'm talking about. The picture, nonetheless, is terrible, but hey, we had a great time!
Anyways, my journey through Proverbs 31 continues. I seriously doubt if I will ever finish this. Forgive me if it's becoming monotonous. Here goes, regardless=)...
I have to add one thing to Part 4 that I left out concerning the virtuous woman and her husband. Another way that she ministers to him is through her conversation and care of his clothing. Proverbs 31:23 says "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land." Henry writes (and this is way better than I could ever explain it), "By his wise counsels, and prudent management of affairs, it appears that he has a discreet (private) companion in his bosom, by conversation with whom he improves himself. By his cheerful countenance and pleasant humour it appears that he has an agreeable wife at home. Nay, by his appearing clean and neat in his dress, every thing about him decent and handsome, yet not gaudy, one may know he has a good wife at home, that takes care of his clothes." This is what I want others to see when they see Jeremy!
Moving on...This next section talks about her work ethic. Over the years, as I have studied this passage, I have always felt conviction. You'll probably see why.
Proverbs 31:27 says, "She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." First off, this woman hates to sit still. As Elizabeth George puts it, "she never does anything sedentary." She is always busy. I struggle with balancing this aspect with taking time for myself. I also wonder about this when I consider sitting and watching TV with Jeremy a priority for "us time." See what I said earlier, this part always gets me.
Regardless, I do realize that Satan finds us something to do when we don't find ourselves something. I then question where Satan is stealing my time. Probably in the amount I spend on the computer, over thinking things, looking for "deals" and wasting more time than I do saving money, etc.
Another part of the virtuous woman's worth ethic includes when she works. Proverbs 31:18 says, "She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night." Even when night comes, work can still be done. Matthew Henry commented on this passage by saying how blessed we are to have electricity and be able to work at night. The Proverbs 31 woman had to work hard just to have "night-light" and could have easily just went to bed. That shows me how much she loved what she did. It always reminds me how important hard work is. And that is truly where I am in my
"work journey"...trying to understand what, in addition to the beautiful duty of staying home, God has for me. More to come tomorrow...Good night!=)