For years I have avoided reading Dr. Dobson's book The Strong-Willed Child. I've read most everything else he has out on parenting but this one got shoved aside. Maybe it was an attempt to convince myself that I never would and definitely don't already have a child that would be characterized by such a phrase. Just the title of the book intimidates me. Yes, my boys are sinners but "strong-willed"-No way!
Until...well, let's just not name which of our 3 pushed me over the edge and forced me to read this book. I guess I always thought a "strong-willed child" would be a terror. That is not the case for ours...he's just ultra hard-headed. I should have figured this out when the child quit eating at 8 months because I gave him a new bottle. 3 days passed before I realized why the standoff was happening, gave him his old bottle back, and he began eating happily again. I should have also realized it when he did the same thing with his sippy cup. He would not even consider drinking from anything but that old blue cup until one morning I accidentally drove to church with it on the roof, and we never saw it again. Oh, and what about that raggedy blanket (did I just give my child's identity away?). Yuck is all I can say about the stench that used to come from that thing! And now, my most obvious clue that God has blessed us with a strong-willed child is that instead of blatantly telling us "no" when he doesn't get his way, he's now chosen to add "never." Ughh...do you understand now why I read this book?
Anyhoo, my review would be that The Strong-Willed Child was an easy read and very helpful for me to read in this season of parenting. It was so much like Dare to Discipline that I honestly don't feel like I gained a lot of new knowledge. Regardless, there were some good ideas, and I was encouraged that we're not alone in this sometimes tough calling of parenting. My favorite part was the excerpt below:
"Ultimately, the key to competent parenthood is in being able to get behind the eyes of your child, seeing what he sees and feeling what he feels. When he is lonely, he needs your company. When he is defiant, he needs your help in controlling his impulses. When he is afraid, he needs the security of your embrace. When he is curious, he needs your patient instruction. When he is happy, he needs to share his laughter and joy with those he loves.
Thus the parent who intuitively comprehends his child's feelings is in a position to respond appropriately and meet the needs that are apparent. And at this point, raising healthy children becomes a highly developed art, requiring the greatest wisdom, patience, devotion, and love that God has given to us. The Apostle Paul called the Christian life a "reasonable service." We parents would do well to apply that same standard to the behavior of our children."
And may I add that an even more important key to parenthood is realizing that we can't possibly do this on our own. We, and our kids, need God's grace. It is He alone who can change their lives. Pray! Pray! Pray!=)
More importantly, though, God taught me another huge lesson through this book that I was not expecting (or really asking for!). I'll be transparent and say that Jeremy and I have a good marriage, but let's be real, we're both sinful humans, and we have our moments. So during one of these "moments," I was being headstrong and had determined in my mind not to give in, say sorry, etc. I think I really just needed a good fight (And yes, women, let's admit that sometimes we need a quick fuss with our men...Who knows why!). As I stood there, deciding how I could stand strong and not give in (Jeremy was right in all he said, of course), I looked down and saw this book, The Strong-Willed Child, laying in the floor. It was at that moment that I buckled. I gave in. Who is the strong-willed child in this house? Is it the little boy who tests me almost every moment of every day? Or is it me?
God is so patient with me. How often I fall into the strong-willed category when I want my way and nothing else. And how often is God merciful to me? What a loving God we serve. And how blessed I am to have the gift of parenting a strong-willed child. He will teach me more about God's love and grace than anything else in my life. And as I learn how to parent him, I'm learning how much God loves me, His own strong-willed child!
